Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Exclusive Mom Groups

I am making a real effort to find new friends.  I have friends but few of them are moms.  At least, few of my Portland friends are moms.  I don't love you any less or think of you as less of a friend because you live somewhere else or work all day but let's be honest, you if you live in another state or have a job you aren't going to help me feel less isolated.

Making friends does not come naturally to me. Most of my friends have one thing in common, they are really outgoing and approached me first.  This time, I have been stepping out of my comfort zone and contacting mommy/play groups through meetup.com.  

You might think that publicly listed mom/play groups would be welcoming to lonely moms reaching out for friendship.  You'd be wrong.  

I've always felt isolated and unwelcome in groups of stay at home moms at story or music times but I always assumed it was my own neuroses that led me to feel this way. Get a group of stay-at-home moms who all already know one another and it's like a junior high clique. Apparently the same goes for those who gather on the internet.

After reaching out to a playgroup I found on meetup I got this response:  "We're sorry to tell you that our group is now invite only...If you happen to know someone in the group, that person can help you get in."

Help get me in?  Help get me in to what?  Your group trip to playgrounds or coffee shops? I thought by the time we became parents we were past that.  Or maybe not, I guess junior high kids have to learn that behavior somewhere. *sigh* 

What do you think? Is it unreasonable to assume that publicly listed mom groups, or even groups of moms in coffee shops, would be welcoming to another mom looking to make more friends?  Are these moms teaching their kids to have the same attitude towards friendship?  Have you had any similar experiences?


  1. bitches are bitches with kids or not. just because they have children doesn't necessarily mean they've grown up and know how to be a decent human being. this is so disgusting to me, and i am so sorry to hear about this experience...i wonder what you'd have to do to "get in", like if they do an initiation and you have to prove you're a cool enough mom. man this makes me so mad. what idiots. you should totally respond. i would. hang in, el. so sorry you're feeling this way. things will look up, i promise. xox

  2. Who knows what you have to do to get in but if they are the type of people who actively exclude people they have never even met I probably wouldn't like them much if we did meet.

  3. I was just thinking the other day how no matter where I go, or how old I get there are still "cliques" every where, and I have never nor will never fit into one. I have looked up Mommy groups here as well, and just looking at their schedule's and "rules" makes me nauseous! Someone should start an "alternative mom's" group for people who aren't yuppie snobs!

  4. I hate to discourage you further but this was an "alternative moms' group." I guess that is part of the reason I was so surprised.

  5. I once had a friend tell me she had joined a moms' group where they paid a membership fee, sort of akin to dues, and I thought she was nuts. Pay for mommy friends? I just hung out at library storytime till I found a few I clicked with. And it took a while. And I was lonely. And I felt left out sometimes. But eventually, I made friends ... sort of like junior high. I guess we end up back there, no matter how hard we try not to! =>

  6. This sounds like me and my experience. Exactly! I am not usually the approacher but for Piper's sake I tried. I too need mom friends. Meet up sounded perfect to me too. How wrong was I? The group I'm in has a clique too. I thought it was me for the longest time. Was I saying something wrong? I even went as far to think that because Piper seemed to be a little ahead of the other babies that maybe they were taking it out on me. Whatever the reason is moms should reach out more often to each other. In a strange way this is comforting to know it has happened to someone else. I'm sorry.