Thursday, August 26, 2010

Everything is OK?

For someone who has anxiety about everything I think I do a really good job of keeping that anxiety in check when it comes to raising Flora.  I let her explore without hovering, I don't rush to her aid every time she falls and I don't freak out every time she has a runny nose.  The stress of today however, has left my stomach in knots.

I mentioned yesterday that Flora fell, skinned her knee, cried for over an hour and refused to walk.  At the time, I attributed her breakdown to teething.  When she woke up this morning and still refused to walk, I began to worry about her leg.

I called the doctor, made an appointment and brought her in.  Even though on the car ride over Flora promised me she would let the Dr look at her leg, she didn't and the Dr had to resort to a less gentle method of assessing her injury.  She took my already upset daughter out of my arms and across the room.  She then held Flora in a standing position on the floor to see if she would walk back to me.  Flora reached for me and screamed but she would not put her leg down to walk.  Dr decided if that wasn't motivation enough to walk then an x-ray was necessary.

We went upstairs to x-ray.  I used her love of the camera to my advantage and told her the nice man was going to take a picture of the inside of her leg.  We both put on our fancy leaded clothes, she posed for the picture just the way he wanted and she remained still while he took the photo.  Twice.  The x-ray technician was genuinely impressed, showed Flora her pictures and sent us back to the doctor with a sticker.

While the x-ray technician showed us her x-ray I noticed a little line across her femur and got nervous.  He told me he wasn't allowed to talk about patient x-rays, the doctor would do that, so the knot in my stomach just got tighter.

The doctor also saw the line and the knot got even tighter.  Can you imagine a toddler with a whole-leg cast?  She went to go consult with the radiologist and left me there, sick.  Finally she came back and we got the news:  Flora leg is NOT broken!  Thank goodness.  The line is called a growth arrest line and they show up in children's x-rays sometimes.  

I'm happy Flora's leg is not broken but I still wonder why she won't walk.  Now I'm worried about her growth arrest line.  Why was there an arrest in her growth?  Is that normal?  We're waiting to hear back from the doctor on that one.  By we I mean me.  My husband thinks I'm over reacting.  He's probably right. I hope.

I'm ready for life to return to normal.  I miss this smile.  

There have been a lot of tears and whining the last two days.  I'm ready for this girl to come back.  

1 comment:

  1. Gosh, Ellie. This *is* a nerve-wracking event. It's amazing what a child will do to a mother's psyche. I definitely feel the vulnerability of motherhood in a way that I couldn't understand previously. I can now relate to all my mother's worrying in the past. However, I do hope to keep some of it in check, as you say, for my son's sake.